i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
