Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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