I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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