alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
