We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
do nipples grow back?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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