Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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