I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
