i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
