Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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