Just fell off a train. Bad.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize