Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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