TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
