Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
