Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
