he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
