You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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