yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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