I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
