Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
