ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize