I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
