if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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