dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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