A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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