So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
