Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
