did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
