i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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