Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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