If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
