Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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