i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
