Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
