I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
