Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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