she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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