You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
