what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize