dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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