Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
