I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
