she woke up with a sticky ear
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
