Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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