was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just pee around me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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