You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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