She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
