i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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