I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
