; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
