Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
