I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
