Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
