You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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