its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
