You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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