I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
