you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
