I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
