I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
