Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
