Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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