He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you had me at cake vodka
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
