I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize