Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize