too bad you live with your parents still
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
