can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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