The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
