Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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