If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize