Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
