Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize