you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
