why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
