I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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