i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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