There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
