Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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