I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
