she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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