i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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