after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A+ Viking dick
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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