I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
