I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Found your dick twin last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
