The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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