i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
