His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
