I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
