If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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