last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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